1、英語(yǔ)幽默笑話Two Pieces of CakeTom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?Mom: Certainly - take this piece and cut it two!兩塊蛋糕湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎？媽媽：當(dāng)然可以拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧！Where's the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings."Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these

2、 paintings are!""Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父親在哪？兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多

3、漂亮呀！”“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”哥哥想了一會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫這些畫唄。”Money and friendsA: Which do you find more important, money or friends?B: Friends, of course.A: Why?B: I can always borrow money from friends.錢和朋友甲：你認(rèn)為錢和朋友哪一個(gè)更重要？乙：當(dāng)然是朋友。甲：為什么？乙：我總可以從朋友那兒借到錢。 A Good BoyLittle Robert asked his

4、 mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is t

5、he one who sells the candy." 好孩子小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”“她是個(gè)賣糖果的。”Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.T

6、eacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.兩只鳥老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰(shuí)能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請(qǐng)說說看。學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。One or TwoCustomer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll

7、 cut it in two.一還是二顧客：服務(wù)員，我盤子里怎么只有一塊肉？服務(wù)員：先生，請(qǐng)稍候，我去把它切成兩塊。Big hands Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.大手老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么？學(xué)生：大手。Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pu

8、pils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her ."Well,

9、ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "Notes:(1) inform v.告訴 (2) nest n.窩；巢 (3) description n.描述(4) encourage v.鼓勵(lì) (5) resemble v. 相似；類似 鳥窩與頭發(fā)我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師。一次一個(gè)學(xué)生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個(gè)窩。“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。“我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”那孩子回答說。“那么，你能給我們描述一下這個(gè)鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵(lì)她道。“哦，老師，就像你的頭發(fā)一樣。” Son and DadSon: "Da

10、d, you are available to you on Friday afternoon?"Dad: "What ah?"Son: "mini-school parents have to open the forum!"Dad: "What is micro-parents forum?"Son: "It's only a class, you and I participate in!" 兒子與爸爸兒子：“爸爸，星期五下午您有空嗎？”爸爸：“什么事啊？”兒子：“學(xué)校要開微型家長(zhǎng)座談會(huì)！”爸爸：“什么叫微型家長(zhǎng)座談會(huì)？”兒子：“就是只有班主任，你和我參加！”Roast Pig A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile an