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Chapter6

Thenextdaycommencedasbefore,gettingupanddressingbyrushlight;butthismorningwewereobligedtodispensewiththeceremonyofwashing;thewaterinthepitcherswasfrozen.Achangehadtakenplaceintheweathertheprecedingevening,andakeennorth-eastwind,whistlingthroughthecrevicesofourbedroomwindowsallnightlong,hadmadeusshiverinourbeds,andturnedthecontentsoftheewerstoice.

BeforethelonghourandahalfofprayersandBible-readingwasover,Ifeltreadytoperishwithcold.Breakfast-timecameatlast,andthismorningtheporridgewasnotburnt;thequalitywaseatable,thequantitysmall.Howsmallmyportionseemed!Iwishedithadbeendoubled.

InthecourseofthedayIwasenrolledamemberofthefourthclass,andregulartasksandoccupationswereassignedme:hitherto,IhadonlybeenaspectatoroftheproceedingsatLowood;Iwasnowtobecomeanactortherein.Atfirst,beinglittleaccustomedtolearnbyheart,thelessonsappearedtomebothlonganddifficult;thefrequentchangefromtasktotask,too,bewilderedme;andIwasgladwhen,aboutthreeo’clockintheafternoon,MissSmithputintomyhandsaborderofmuslintwoyardslong,togetherwithneedle,thimble,&c.,andsentmetositinaquietcorneroftheschoolroom,withdirectionstohemthesame.Atthathourmostoftheothersweresewinglikewise;butoneclassstillstoodroundMissScatcherd’s

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chairreading,andasallwasquiet,thesubjectoftheirlessonscouldbeheard,togetherwiththemannerinwhicheachgirlacquittedherself,andtheanimadversionsorcommendationsofMissScatcherdontheperformance.ItwasEnglishhistory:amongthereadersIobservedmyacquaintanceoftheverandah:atthecommencementofthelesson,herplacehadbeenatthetopoftheclass,butforsomeerrorofpronunciation,orsomeinattentiontostops,shewassuddenlysenttotheverybottom.Eveninthatobscureposition,MissScatcherdcontinuedtomakeheranobjectofconstantnotice:shewascontinuallyaddressingtohersuchphrasesasthefollowing:-

“Burns”(suchitseemswashername:thegirlsherewereallcalledbytheirsurnames,asboysareelsewhere),“Burns,youarestandingonthesideofyourshoe;turnyourtoesoutimmediately.”“Burns,youpokeyourchinmostunpleasantly;drawitin.”“Burns,Iinsistonyourholdingyourheadup;Iwillnothaveyoubeforemeinthatattitude,”&c.&c.

Achapterhavingbeenreadthroughtwice,thebookswereclosedandthegirlsexamined.ThelessonhadcomprisedpartofthereignofCharlesI.,andthereweresundryquestionsabouttonnageandpoundageandship-money,whichmostofthemappearedunabletoanswer;still,everylittledifficultywassolvedinstantlywhenitreachedBurns:hermemoryseemedtohaveretainedthesubstanceofthewholelesson,andshewasreadywithanswersoneverypoint.Ikeptexpecting

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thatMissScatcherdwouldpraiseherattention;but,insteadofthat,shesuddenlycriedout-

“Youdirty,disagreeablegirl!youhavenevercleanedyournailsthismorning!”

Burnsmadenoanswer:Iwonderedathersilence.“Why,”thoughtI,“doesshenotexplainthatshecouldneithercleanhernailsnorwashherface,asthewaterwasfrozen?”

MyattentionwasnowcalledoffbyMissSmithdesiringmetoholdaskeinofthread:whileshewaswindingit,shetalkedtomefromtimetotime,askingwhetherIhadeverbeenatschoolbefore,whetherIcouldmark,stitch,knit,&c.;tillshedismissedme,IcouldnotpursuemyobservationsonMissScatcherd’smovements.WhenIreturnedtomyseat,thatladywasjustdeliveringanorderofwhichIdidnotcatchtheimport;butBurnsimmediatelylefttheclass,andgoingintothesmallinnerroomwherethebookswerekept,returnedinhalfaminute,carryinginherhandabundleoftwigstiedtogetheratoneend.ThisominoustoolshepresentedtoMissScatcherdwitharespectfulcurtesy;thenshequietly,andwithoutbeingtold,unloosedherpinafore,andtheteacherinstantlyandsharplyinflictedonherneckadozenstrokeswiththebunchoftwigs.NotatearrosetoBurns’eye;and,whileIpausedfrommysewing,becausemyfingersquiveredatthisspectaclewithasentimentofunavailingandimpotentanger,notafeatureofherpensivefacealtereditsordinaryexpression.

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“Hardenedgirl!”exclaimedMissScatcherd;“nothingcancorrectyouofyourslatternlyhabits:carrytherodaway.”

Burnsobeyed:Ilookedathernarrowlyassheemergedfromthebook-closet;shewasjustputtingbackherhandkerchiefintoherpocket,andthetraceofatearglistenedonherthincheek.

Theplay-hourintheeveningIthoughtthepleasantestfractionofthedayatLowood:thebitofbread,thedraughtofcoffeeswallowedatfiveo’clockhadrevivedvitality,ifithadnotsatisfiedhunger:thelongrestraintofthedaywasslackened;theschoolroomfeltwarmerthaninthemorning—itsfiresbeingallowedtoburnalittlemorebrightly,tosupply,insomemeasure,theplaceofcandles,notyetintroduced:theruddygloaming,thelicenseduproar,theconfusionofmanyvoicesgaveoneawelcomesenseofliberty.

OntheeveningofthedayonwhichIhadseenMissScatcherdflogherpupil,Burns,Iwanderedasusualamongtheformsandtablesandlaughinggroupswithoutacompanion,yetnotfeelinglonely:whenIpassedthewindows,Inowandthenliftedablind,andlookedout;itsnowedfast,adriftwasalreadyformingagainstthelowerpanes;puttingmyearclosetothewindow,Icoulddistinguishfromthegleefultumultwithin,thedisconsolatemoanofthewindoutside.

Probably,ifIhadlatelyleftagoodhomeandkindparents,thiswouldhavebeenthehourwhenIshouldmostkeenlyhaveregrettedtheseparation;thatwind

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wouldthenhavesaddenedmyheart;thisobscurechaoswouldhavedisturbedmypeace!asitwas,Iderivedfrombothastrangeexcitement,andrecklessandfeverish,Iwishedthewindtohowlmorewildly,thegloomtodeepentodarkness,andtheconfusiontorisetoclamour.

Jumpingoverforms,andcreepingundertables,Imademywaytooneofthefire-places;there,kneelingbythehighwirefender,IfoundBurns,absorbed,silent,abstractedfromallroundherbythecompanionshipof

abook,whichshereadbythedimglareoftheembers.“Isitstill‘Rasselas’?”Iasked,comingbehindher.“Yes,”shesaid,“andIhavejustfinishedit.”

Andinfiveminutesmoresheshutitup.Iwasgladofthis.“Now,”thoughtI,“Icanperhapsgethertotalk.”I

satdownbyheronthefloor.

“WhatisyournamebesidesBurns?”

“Helen.”

“Doyoucomealongwayfromhere?”

“Icomefromaplacefarthernorth,quiteonthebordersofScotland.”

“Willyouevergoback?”

“Ihopeso;butnobodycanbesureofthefuture.”“YoumustwishtoleaveLowood?”

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“No!whyshouldI?IwassenttoLowoodtogetaneducation;anditwouldbeofnousegoingawayuntilIhaveattainedthatobject.”

“Butthatteacher,MissScatcherd,issocrueltoyou?”“Cruel?Notatall!Sheissevere:shedislikesmyfaults.”

“AndifIwereinyourplaceIshoulddislikeher;Ishouldresisther.Ifshestruckmewiththatrod,Ishouldgetitfromherhand;Ishouldbreakitunderhernose.”

“Probablyyouwoulddonothingofthesort:butifyoudid,Mr.Brocklehurstwouldexpelyoufromtheschool;thatwouldbeagreatgrieftoyourrelations.Itisfarbettertoendurepatientlyasmartwhichnobodyfeelsbutyourself,thantocommitahastyactionwhoseevilconsequenceswillextendtoallconnectedwithyou;andbesides,theBiblebidsusreturngoodforevil.”

“Butthenitseemsdisgracefultobeflogged,andtobesenttostandinthemiddleofaroomfullofpeople;andyouaresuchagreatgirl:Iamfaryoungerthanyou,andIcouldnotbearit.”

“Yetitwouldbeyourdutytobearit,ifyoucouldnotavoidit:itisweakandsillytosayyouCANNOTBEARwhatitisyourfatetoberequiredtobear.”

Iheardherwithwonder:Icouldnotcomprehendthisdoctrineofendurance;andstilllesscouldIunderstandorsympathisewiththeforbearancesheexpressedforherchastiser.StillIfeltthatHelenBurnsconsidered

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thingsbyalightinvisibletomyeyes.IsuspectedshemightberightandIwrong;butIwouldnotponderthematterdeeply;likeFelix,Iputitofftoamoreconvenientseason.

“Yousayyouhavefaults,Helen:whatarethey?Tomeyouseemverygood.”

“Thenlearnfromme,nottojudgebyappearances:Iam,asMissScatcherdsaid,slatternly;Iseldomput,andneverkeep,things,inorder;Iamcareless;Iforgetrules;IreadwhenIshouldlearnmylessons;Ihavenomethod;andsometimesIsay,likeyou,IcannotBEARtobesubjectedtosystematicarrangements.ThisisallveryprovokingtoMissScatcherd,whoisnaturallyneat,punctual,andparticular.”

“Andcrossandcruel,”Iadded;butHelenBurnswouldnotadmitmyaddition:shekeptsilence.

“IsMissTempleasseveretoyouasMissScatcherd?”

AttheutteranceofMissTemple’sname,asoftsmileflittedoverhergraveface.

“MissTempleisfullofgoodness;itpainshertobeseveretoanyone,eventheworstintheschool:sheseesmyerrors,andtellsmeofthemgently;and,ifIdoanythingworthyofpraise,shegivesmemymeedliberally.Onestrongproofofmywretchedlydefectivenatureis,thatevenherexpostulations,somild,sorational,havenotinfluencetocuremeofmyfaults;

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andevenherpraise,thoughIvalueitmosthighly,cannotstimulatemetocontinuedcareandforesight.”

“Thatiscurious,”saidI,“itissoeasytobecareful.”

“ForYOUIhavenodoubtitis.Iobservedyouinyourclassthismorning,andsawyouwerecloselyattentive:yourthoughtsneverseemedtowanderwhileMissMillerexplainedthelessonandquestionedyou.Now,minecontinuallyroveaway;whenIshouldbelisteningtoMissScatcherd,andcollectingallshesayswithassiduity,oftenIlosetheverysoundofhervoice;Ifallintoasortofdream.SometimesIthinkIaminNorthumberland,andthatthenoisesIhearroundmearethebubblingofalittlebrookwhichrunsthroughDeepden,nearourhouse;—then,whenitcomestomyturntoreply,Ihavetobeawakened;andhavingheardnothingofwhatwasreadforlisteningtothevisionary

brook,Ihavenoanswerready.”

“Yethowwellyourepliedthisafternoon.”

“Itwasmerechance;thesubjectonwhichwehadbeenreadinghadinterestedme.Thisafternoon,insteadofdreamingofDeepden,IwaswonderinghowamanwhowishedtodorightcouldactsounjustlyandunwiselyasCharlestheFirstsometimesdid;andIthoughtwhatapityitwasthat,withhisintegrityandconscientiousness,hecouldseenofartherthantheprerogativesofthecrown.Ifhehadbutbeenabletolooktoadistance,andseehowwhattheycallthespiritoftheagewastending!Still,IlikeCharles—Irespecthim—Ipityhim,poormurderedking!Yes,his

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enemiesweretheworst:theyshedbloodtheyhadnorighttoshed.Howdaredtheykillhim!”

Helenwastalkingtoherselfnow:shehadforgottenIcouldnotverywellunderstandher—thatIwasignorant,ornearlyso,ofthesubjectshediscussed.Irecalledhertomylevel.“AndwhenMissTempleteachesyou,doyourthoughtswanderthen?”“No,certainly,notoften;becauseMissTemplehasgenerallysomethingtosaywhichisnewerthanmyownreflections;herlanguageissingularlyagreeabletome,andtheinformationshecommunicatesisoftenjustwhatIwishedtogain.”“Well,then,withMissTempleyouaregood?”“Yes,inapassiveway:Imakenoeffort;Ifollowasinclinationguidesme.Thereisnomeritinsuchgoodness.”“Agreatdeal:youaregoodtothosewhoaregoodtoyou.ItisallIeverdesiretobe.Ifpeoplewerealwayskindandobedienttothosewhoarecruelandunjust,

thewickedpeoplewouldhaveitalltheirownway:theywouldneverfeelafraid,andsotheywouldneveralter,butwouldgrowworseandworse.Whenwearestruckatwithoutareason,weshouldstrikebackagainveryhard;Iamsureweshould—sohardastoteachthepersonwhostruckusnevertodoitagain.”

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“Youwillchangeyourmind,Ihope,whenyougrowolder:asyetyouarebutalittleuntaughtgirl.”

“ButIfeelthis,Helen;Imustdislikethosewho,whateverIdotopleasethem,persistindislikingme;Imustresistthosewhopunishmeunjustly.ItisasnaturalasthatIshouldlovethosewhoshowmeaffection,orsubmittopunishmentwhenIfeelitisdeserved.”

“Heathensandsavagetribesholdthatdoctrine,but

Christiansandcivilisednationsdisownit.”

“How?Idon’tunderstand.”

“Itisnotviolencethatbestovercomeshate—norvengeancethatmostcertainlyhealsinjury.”

“Whatthen?”

“ReadtheNewTestament,andobservewhatChristsays,andhowHeacts;makeHiswordyourrule,and

Hisconductyourexample.”

“WhatdoesHesay?”

“Loveyourenemies;blessthemthatcurseyou;dogoodtothemthathateyouanddespitefullyuseyou.”

“ThenIshouldloveMrs.Reed,whichIcannotdo;IshouldblesshersonJohn,whichisimpossible.”

Inherturn,HelenBurnsaskedmetoexplain,andIproceededforthwithtopourout,inmyownway,thetaleofmysufferingsandresentments.Bitterand

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truculentwhenexcited,IspokeasIfelt,withoutreserveorsoftening.

Helenheardmepatientlytotheend:Iexpectedshewouldthenmakearemark,butshesaidnothing.

“Well,”Iaskedimpatiently,“isnotMrs.Reedahard-hearted,badwoman?”

“Shehasbeenunkindtoyou,nodoubt;becauseyousee,shedislikesyourcastofcharacter,asMissScatcherddoesmine;buthowminutelyyourememberallshehasdoneandsaidtoyou!Whatasingularlydeepimpressionherinjusticeseemstohavemadeonyourheart!Noill-usagesobrandsitsrecordonmyfeelings.Wouldyounotbehappierifyoutriedtoforgetherseverity,togetherwiththepassionateemotionsitexcited?Lifeappearstometooshorttobespentinnursinganimosityorregisteringwrongs.Weare,andmustbe,oneandall,burdenedwithfaultsinthisworld:butthetimewillsooncomewhen,Itrust,weshallputthemoffinputtingoffourcorruptiblebodies;whendebasementandsinwillfallfromus