Friendship

RalphWaldoEmersonAruddydropofmanlybloodThesurgingseaoutweighs,

Theworlduncertaincomesandgoes,Theloverrootedstays.

Ifanciedhewasfled,And,aftermanyayear,

GlowedunexhaustedkindlinessLikedailysunrisethere.

Mycarefulheartwasfreeagain,—Ofriend,mybosomsaid,

Throughtheealonetheskyisarched,Throughtheetheroseisred,

Allthingsthroughtheetakenoblerform,Andlookbeyondtheearth,

Andisthemill-roundofourfateAsun-pathinthyworth.

MetoothynoblenesshastaughtTomastermydespair;

ThefountainsofmyhiddenlifeArethroughthyfriendshipfair.ESSAYVIFriendship

Wehaveagreatdealmorekindnessthaniseverspoken.Maugrealltheselfishnessthatchillslikeeastwindstheworld,thewholehumanfamilyisbathedwithanelementoflovelikeafineether.Howmanypersonswemeetinhouses,whomwescarcelyspeakto,whomyetwehonor,andwhohonorus!Howmanyweseeinthestreet,orsitwithinchurch,whom,thoughsilently,wewarmlyrejoicetobewith!Readthelanguageofthesewanderingeye-beams.Theheartknoweth.

Theeffectoftheindulgenceofthishumanaffectionisacertaincordialexhilaration.Inpoetry,andincommonspeech,theemotionsofbenevolenceandcomplacencywhicharefelttowardsothersarelikenedtothematerialeffectsoffire;soswift,ormuchmoreswift,moreactive,morecheering,arethesefineinwardirradiations.Fromthehighestdegreeofpassionatelove,tothelowestdegreeofgood-will,theymakethesweetnessoflife.

Ourintellectualandactivepowersincreasewithouraffection.Thescholarsitsdowntowrite,andallhisyearsofmeditationdonotfurnishhimwithonegoodthoughtorhappyexpression;butitisnecessarytowritealettertoafriend,—and,forthwith,

troopsofgentlethoughtsinvestthemselves,oneveryhand,withchosenwords.See,inanyhousewherevirtueandself-respectabide,thepalpitationwhichtheapproachofastrangercauses.Acommendedstrangerisexpectedandannounced,andanuneasinessbetwixtpleasureandpaininvadesalltheheartsofahousehold.Hisarrivalalmostbringsfeartothegoodheartsthatwouldwelcomehim.Thehouseisdusted,allthingsflyintotheirplaces,theoldcoatisexchangedforthenew,andtheymustgetupadinneriftheycan.Ofacommendedstranger,onlythegoodreportistoldbyothers,onlythegoodandnewisheardbyus.Hestandstousforhumanity.Heiswhatwewish.Havingimaginedandinvestedhim,weaskhowweshouldstandrelatedinconversationandactionwithsuchaman,andareuneasywithfear.Thesameideaexaltsconversationwithhim.Wetalkbetterthanwearewont.Wehavethenimblestfancy,arichermemory,andourdumbdevilhastakenleaveforthetime.Forlonghourswecancontinueaseriesofsincere,graceful,richcommunications,drawnfromtheoldest,secretestexperience,sothattheywhositby,ofourownkinsfolkandacquaintance,shallfeelalivelysurpriseatourunusualpowers.Butassoonasthestrangerbeginstointrudehispartialities,hisdefinitions,hisdefects,intotheconversation,itisallover.Hehasheardthefirst,thelastandbesthewilleverhearfromus.Heisnostrangernow.Vulgarity,ignorance,misapprehensionareoldacquaintances.Now,whenhecomes,hemaygettheorder,thedress,andthedinner,—butthethrobbingoftheheart,andthecommunicationsofthesoul,nomore.

Whatissopleasantasthesejetsofaffectionwhichmakeayoungworldformeagain?Whatsodeliciousasajustandfirmencounteroftwo,inathought,inafeeling?Howbeautiful,ontheirapproachto

thisbeatingheart,thestepsandformsofthegiftedandthetrue!Themomentweindulgeouraffections,theearthismetamorphosed;thereisnowinter,andnonight;alltragedies,allennuis,vanish,—alldutieseven;nothingfillstheproceedingeternitybuttheformsallradiantofbelovedpersons.Letthesoulbeassuredthatsomewhereintheuniverseitshouldrejoinitsfriend,anditwouldbecontentandcheerfulaloneforathousandyears.

Iawokethismorningwithdevoutthanksgivingformyfriends,theoldandthenew.ShallInotcallGodtheBeautiful,whodailyshowethhimselfsotomeinhisgifts?Ichidesociety,Iembracesolitude,andyetIamnotsoungratefulasnottoseethewise,thelovely,andthenoble-minded,asfromtimetotimetheypassmygate.Whohearsme,whounderstandsme,becomesmine,—apossessionforalltime.Norisnaturesopoorbutshegivesmethisjoyseveraltimes,andthusweweavesocialthreadsofourown,anewwebofrelations;and,asmanythoughtsinsuccessionsubstantiatethemselves,weshallbyandbystandinanewworldofourowncreation,andnolongerstrangersandpilgrimsinatraditionaryglobe.Myfriendshavecometomeunsought.ThegreatGodgavethemtome.Byoldestright,bythedivineaffinityofvirtuewithitself,Ifindthem,orrathernotI,buttheDeityinmeandinthemderidesandcancelsthethickwallsofindividualcharacter,relation,age,sex,circumstance,atwhichheusuallyconnives,andnowmakesmanyone.HighthanksIoweyou,excellentlovers,whocarryouttheworldformetonewandnobledepths,andenlarge

themeaningofallmythoughts.ThesearenewpoetryofthefirstBard,—poetrywithoutstop,—hymn,ode,andepic,poetrystillflowing,ApolloandtheMuseschantingstill.Willthese,too,separate

themselvesfrommeagain,orsomeofthem?Iknownot,butIfearitnot;formyrelationtothemissopure,thatweholdbysimpleaffinity,andtheGeniusofmylifebeingthussocial,thesameaffinitywillexertitsenergyonwhomsoeverisasnobleasthesemenandwomen,whereverImaybe.

Iconfesstoanextremetendernessofnatureonthispoint.Itisalmostdangeroustometo"crushthesweetpoisonofmisusedwine"oftheaffections.Anewpersonistomeagreatevent,andhindersmefromsleep.Ihaveoftenhadfinefanciesaboutpersonswhichhavegivenmedelicioushours;butthejoyendsintheday;ityieldsnofruit.

Thoughtisnotbornofit;myactionisverylittlemodified.Imustfeelprideinmyfriend'saccomplishmentsasiftheyweremine,—andapropertyinhisvirtues.Ifeelaswarmlywhenheispraised,astheloverwhenhehearsapplauseofhisengagedmaiden.Weover-estimatetheconscienceofourfriend.Hisgoodnessseemsbetterthanourgoodness,hisnaturefiner,histemptationsless.Everythingthatishis,—hisname,hisform,hisdress,books,andinstruments,—fancyenhances.Ourownthoughtsoundsnewandlargerfromhismouth.

Yetthesystoleanddiastoleoftheheartarenotwithouttheiranalogyintheebbandflowoflove.Friendship,liketheimmortalityofthesoul,istoogoodtobebelieved.Thelover,beholdinghismaiden,halfknowsthatsheisnotverilythatwhichheworships;andinthegoldenhouroffriendship,wearesurprisedwithshadesofsuspicionandunbelief.Wedoubtthatwebestowonourherothevirtuesinwhichheshines,andafterwardsworshiptheformtowhichwehaveascribedthisdivineinhabitation.Instrictness,thesouldoesnotrespectmenasitrespectsitself.Instrictscienceallpersonsunderliethesame

conditionofaninfiniteremoteness.ShallwefeartocoolourlovebyminingforthemetaphysicalfoundationofthisElysiantemple?ShallInotbeasrealasthethingsIsee?IfIam,Ishallnotfeartoknowthemforwhattheyare.Theiressenceisnotlessbeautifulthantheirappearance,thoughitneedsfinerorgansforitsapprehension.Therootoftheplantisnotunsightlytoscience,thoughforchapletsandfestoonswecutthestemshort.AndImusthazardtheproductionofthebaldfactamidstthesepleasingreveries,thoughitshouldproveanEgyptianskullatourbanquet.Amanwhostandsunitedwithhisthoughtconceivesmagnificentlyofhimself.Heisconsciousofauniversalsuccess,eventhoughboughtbyuniformparticularfailures.Noadvantages,nopowers,nogoldorforce,canbeanymatchforhim.Icannotchoosebutrelyonmyownpovertymorethanonyourwealth.

Icannotmakeyourconsciousnesstantamounttomine.Onlythestardazzles;theplanethasafaint,moon-likeray.Ihearwhatyousayoftheadmirablepartsandtriedtemperofthepartyyoupraise,butIseewellthatforallhispurplecloaksIshallnotlikehim,unlessheisatlastapoorGreeklikeme.Icannotdenyit,Ofriend,thatthevastshadowofthePhenomenalincludestheealsoinitspiedandpaintedimmensity,—thee,also,comparedwithwhomallelseisshadow.ThouartnotBeing,asTruthis,asJusticeis,—thouartnotmysoul,butapictureandeffigyofthat.Thouhastcome

tomelately,andalreadythouartseizingthyhatandcloak.Isitnotthatthesoulputsforthfriendsasthetreeputsforthleaves,andpresently,bythegerminationofnewbuds,extrudestheoldleaf?Thelawofnatureisalternationforevermore.Eachelectricalstatesuperinducestheopposite.Thesoulenvironsitselfwithfriends,that

itmayenterintoagranderself-acquaintanceorsolitude;anditgoesaloneforaseason,thatitmayexaltitsconversationorsociety.Thismethodbetraysitselfalongthewholehistoryofourpersonalrelations.Theinstinctofaffectionrevivesthehopeofunionwithourmates,andthereturningsenseofinsulationrecallsusfromthechase.Thuseverymanpasseshislifeinthesearchafterfriendship,andifheshouldrecordhistruesentiment,hemightwritealetterlikethistoeachnewcandidateforhislove.

DEARFRIEND:—

IfIwassureofthee,sureofthycapacity,suretomatchmymoodwiththine,Ishouldneverthinkagainoftriflesinrelationtothycomingsandgoings.Iamnotverywise;mymoodsarequiteattainable;andIrespectthygenius;itistomeasyetunfathomed;yetdareInotpresumeintheeaperfectintelligenceofme,andsothouarttomeadelicioustorment.Thineever,ornever.

Yettheseuneasypleasuresandfinepainsareforcuriosity,andnotforlife.Theyarenottobeindulged.Thisistoweavecobweb,andnotcloth.Ourfriendshipshurrytoshortandpoorconclusions,becausewehavemadethematextureofwineanddreams,insteadofthetoughfibreofthehumanheart.Thelawsoffriendshipareaustereandeternal,ofonewebwiththelawsofnatureandofmorals.Butwehaveaimedataswiftandpettybenefit,tosuckasuddensweetness.WesnatchattheslowestfruitinthewholegardenofGod,whichmanysummersandmanywintersmustripen.Weseekourfriendnotsacredly,butwithanadulteratepassionwhichwouldappropriatehimtoourselves.Invain.Wearearmedalloverwithsubtleantagonisms,which,assoon

aswemeet,begintoplay,andtranslateallpoetryintostaleprose.Almostallpeopledescendtomeet.Allassociationmustbeacompromise,and,whatisworst,theveryflowerandaromaoftheflowerofeachofthebeautifulnaturesdisappearsastheyapproacheachother.Whataperpetualdisappointmentisactualsociety,evenofthevirtuousandgifted!Afterinterviewshavebeencompassedwithlongforesight,wemustbetormentedpresentlybybaffledblows,bysudden,unseasonableapathies,byepilepsiesofwitandofanimalspirits,intheheydayoffriendshipandthought.Ourfacultiesdonotplayustrue,andbothpartiesarerelievedbysolitude.

Ioughttobeequaltoeveryrelation.ItmakesnodifferencehowmanyfriendsIhave,andwhatcontentIcanfindinconversingwitheach,iftherebeonetowhomIamnotequal.IfIhaveshrunkunequalfromonecontest,thejoyIfindinalltherestbecomesmeanandcowardly.Ishouldhatemyself,ifthenImademyotherfriendsmyasylum."Thevaliantwarriorfamousedforfight,

Afterahundredvictories,oncefoiled,Isfromthebookofhonorrazedquite,

Andalltherestforgotforwhichhetoiled."

Ourimpatienceisthussharplyrebuked.Bashfulnessandapathyareatoughhusk,inwhichadelicateorganizationisprotectedfromprematureripening.Itwouldbelostifitknewitselfbeforeanyofthebestsoulswereyetripeenoughtoknowandownit.Respectthenaturlangsamkeitwhichhardenstherubyinamillionyears,andworksinduration,inwhichAlpsandAndescomeandgoasrainbows.Thegood

spiritofourlifehasnoheavenwhichisthepriceofrashness.Love,whichistheessenceofGod,isnotforlevity,butforthetotalworthofman.Letusnothavethischildishluxuryinourregards,buttheausterestworth;letusapproachourfriendwithanaudacioustrustinthetruthofhisheart,inthebreadth,impossibletobeoverturned,ofhisfoundations.

Theattractionsofthissubjectarenottoberesisted,andIleave,forthetime,allaccountofsubordinatesocialbenefit,tospeakofthatselectandsacredrelationwhichisakindofabsolute,andwhichevenleavesthelanguageoflovesuspiciousandcommon,somuchisthispurer,andnothingissomuchdivine.

Idonotwishtotreatfriendshipsdaintily,butwithroughestcourage.Whentheyarereal,theyarenotglassthreadsorfrostwork,butthesolidestthingweknow.Fornow,aftersomanyagesofexperience,whatdoweknowofnature,orofourselves?Notonestephasmantakentowardthesolutionoftheproblemofhisdestiny.Inonecondemnationoffollystandthewholeuniverseofmen.Butthesweetsincerityofjoyandpeace,whichIdrawfromthisalliancewithmybrother'ssoul,isthenutitself,whereofallnatureandallthoughtisbutthehuskandshell.Happyisthehousethatsheltersafrie