讀后續寫講評

（教育部考試中心，2015）提供一段350詞以內的語言材料，要求考生依據該材料內容、所給段落開頭語和所標示關鍵詞進行續寫（150詞左右），將其發展成一篇與給定材料有邏輯銜接，情節和結構完整的短文?？疾榈闹饕獌热莅ㄒ韵滤狞c：（1）與所給短文及段落開頭語的銜接程度；（2）內容的豐富性；（3）應用語法結構和詞匯的豐富性和準確性；（4）上下文的連貫性寫續讀后閱讀能力考查能力*能理解原文內容*能準確理解原文的篇章結構和關鍵信息*能深入理解原文的內容要素、內容發展、邏輯關系、語言特點等。寫作能力*內容產出：能在原文的基礎上創造新的內容；能與原文內容保持融洽，形成有效協同。*語言運用：能夠用豐富的詞匯和句子結構并且使用準確，恰當；與原文的詞匯和句子結構甚至語言風格協同（較高要求）*篇章結構：能與原文合理銜接；能使用恰當的連接手段是續寫完整、連貫。思維能力能在根據原文進行續寫時體現出創造性。學習能力能通過讀后續寫學習原文作者的語言特點和寫作方式。3時空線；故事情節線；情感發展線語體風格；文體風格表現風格讀后續寫評分原則解讀01020304本題總分為25分，按七個檔次進行評分閱卷評分時，應主要從內容、語言表達和篇章結構三個方面考慮，具體為：（1）創造內容的質量，續寫的完整性以及與原文情境的融洽度。（2）使用詞匯和語法結構的準確性，恰當性和多樣性。（3）上下句的銜接性和上下文的連貫性。評分時，先根據文章的內容和語言初步確定其所屬檔次，然后以該檔次的要求來衡量，確定或調整檔次，最后給分。評分時還應注意（1）所續寫短文的詞數應為150左右（詞數不少于120）；（2）續寫與標點符號是語言準確性的一個方面，評分時，應視其對交際的影響程度予以考慮。英、美拼寫和詞匯用法均可。(3）如書寫較差以致影響交際，可將分數降低一個檔次。內涵身材顏值檔次描述第七檔（22-25分）漂漂亮亮無大語法錯誤，可以有2-3處拼寫或者詞形錯誤

—創造了豐富、合理的內容，富有邏輯性，續寫完整，與原文情境融洽度高?！褂昧硕鄻忧仪‘數脑~匯和語法結構，表達流暢語言錯誤很少，且完全不影響理解?！匀挥行У厥褂昧硕温溟g、語句間銜接手段，全文結構清晰，前后呼應，意義連貫。第六檔（18-21分）清清楚楚2-3處大語法錯誤—創造了比較豐富、合理的內容，比較有邏輯性，續寫比較完整，與原文情境融洽度較高。—使用了比較多樣且恰當的詞匯和語法結構，表達比較流暢，有個別錯誤但不影響理解?！容^有效地使用了語句間銜接手段，全文結構比較清晰，意義比較連貫。第五檔（15-17分）平平淡淡1/3的語言錯誤

—創造了基本合理的內容，有一定的邏輯性，續寫基本完整，與原文情境相關?！褂昧吮容^恰當的詞匯和語法結構，表達方式不夠多樣性，表達有些許錯誤，但基本不影響理解。—使用了語句間銜接手段，全文結構比較清晰，意義基本連貫。第四檔（11-14分）馬馬虎虎一半的語言錯誤—創造了基本完整的故事內容，但情節不夠合理或邏輯性不強，與原文情境基本相關?！褂昧撕唵蔚脑~匯和語法結構，有部分語言錯誤或不恰當之處。個別部分影響理解。—尚有語句銜接手段，全文結構基本清晰，意義基本連貫。第三檔（6-10分）糊里糊涂2/3的語言錯誤

—內容和邏輯上有一些重大問題，續寫不夠完整，與原文有一定程度脫節?！玫脑~匯有限，語法結構單調，錯誤較多且比較低級，影響理解?！茨苡行У厥褂谜Z句間銜接手段，全文結構不夠清晰，意義欠連貫。第二檔（1-5分）艱艱難難—內容和邏輯上有較多重大問題或有部分內容抄自原文，續寫不完整與原文情境節本脫節。—所使用的詞匯非常有限，語法結構單調，錯誤較多，嚴重影響理解。—幾乎沒有使用語句間銜接手段，全文結構不清晰，意義不連貫。第一檔（0分）干干凈凈未作答；所寫內容太少或無法看清以致無法評判，所寫內容全部抄自原文或與題目要求完全不相關。內容、語言表達和篇章結構TheMeredithfamilylivedinasmallcommunity.

Astheeconomywasindecline,somepeopleinthetownhadlosttheirjobs.Manyoftheirfamilieswerestrugglingtomakeendsmeet.Peopleweretryingtohelpeachothermeetthechallenges.Mrs.Meredithwasamostkindandthoughtfulwoman.Shespentagreatdealoftimevisitingthepoor.Sheknewtheyhadproblems,andtheyneededallkindsofhelp.Whenshehadtime,shewouldbringfoodandmedicinetothem.Onemorningshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilyshehadvisitedthedaybefore.Therewasamansickinbed,hiswife,whotookcareofhimandcouldnotgoouttowork,andtheirlittleboy.Thelittleboy-hisnamewasBernard-hadinterestedherverymuch.“Iwishyoucouldseehim,”shesaidtoherownchildren,John,Harry,andClara.“Heissuchahelptohismother.Hewantsverymuchtoearnsomemoney,butIdon'tseewhathecando.”Aftertheirmotherlefttheroom,thechildrensatthinkingaboutBernard.“Iwishwecouldhelphimtoearnmoney,”saidClara.“Hisfamilyissufferingsomuch.”“SodoI,”saidHarry.“Wereallyshoulddosomethingtoassistthem.”Forsomemoments,Johnsaidnothing,but,suddenly,hesprangtohisfeetandcried,“Ihaveagreatidea!Ihaveasolutionthatwecanallhelpaccomplish(完成).”Theotherchildrenalsojumpedupallattention.WhenJohnhadanidea,itwassuretobeagoodone.I’lltellyouwhatwecando,”saidJohn.“YouknowthatbigboxofcomUncleJohnsentus?Well,wecanmakepopcorn(爆米花),andputitintopaperbags,andBernardcantakeitaroundtothehousesandsellit.”——2020山東高考讀后續寫setting(when,where)Theme(mainidea+writingpurpose)

characters(who)

plot（what,how,why)Whatmakesastory?Whatmakesagreatstory?vivid&properdescriptionsStoryelements7Readforthetheme.（確定主題）

Readfortheplot.（定位線索）Outlinethepossibleplotsoreventsineachparagraph.（構思續寫情節，搭建結構支架）Writingbasedontheoutlineandusingsentencepatterns.（運用用句型模板，落筆成文）StepsforcontinuationwritingStep1Step2Step3Step48whowherewhenHowwhywhatbeginningMrs.Meredith&3childern(John,Harry,Clare)UncleJohnBernardWhentheeconomywasindeclineHelpBernard

thefamilysufferedsomuchasmallcommunityStep1Readforthetheme(mainidea+writingpurpose)ending9

Whentheeconomywasindecline,Mrs.Meredithandher3childrenhelpedlittleBernardwhowantedtohelphisparentsmakeendsmeetbysellingpopcorn.

mainidea

Toshowreaders:Thereisloveandkindnessinthesmallcommunity.writingpurposeTheme

Tip1:Mainideacoversthefollowingelements:who,when,where,what,whyandhow.Tip2:Writingpurposereferstowhattheauthorwantstoconveythroughthepassage.Tip3:Thecontentofcontinuationwritingmustbeconsistentwiththegivenstory'smainideaandwritingpurpose.10beginningClimaxendingPa1:BackgroundPa2:Mrs.Meredith'characterPa3&4:aboyinneed;amotherwantedtohelpPa5-8:ChildrenwantedtohelpDiscusshowtohelpContinuationPa1:ContinuationPa2:Tip4:Predicttheendingbasedontheplotandthetheme.(reasonabe)11Para1WhenMrs.MeredithheardofJohn'sidea,shethoughtitwasagoodone,too.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________Para2

Witheverythingready.Bernardstartedoutonhisnewbusiness.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

1.所續寫的短文詞數應為150左右;2.續寫部分分為兩段,每段的開頭語已為你寫好;Step3:Outlinethepossibleplotsoreventsineachparagraph.soldout&earnedmoneymadecontactwithBernard.Heagreedwiththeidea.theprocessofsellingpopcornmadepreparationsforpopcorn.BernardpreparedthepopcornTip5:Predicttheendingofpara.1basedonthetwogivensentences.12靈動、恰當的v./adj./adv.“with”的復合結構非謂語；定從；強調，倒裝情感描寫的表達Step4:Writingbasedontheoutlineandusingsentencepatterns.13Tip6:LanguagedatabasefordescribingfeelingsHispalmsweresweating;withaheavy/sinkingheart;His

throattightenedwithtension;Tearswelledupinhiseyes/blurredhiseyes.Hisfaceturnedredwithshyness.Hisfacelitup;lipscurvingintoasmile;Hiseyestwinkledwithjoy;Heopenedarmswithabroadsmile.

postivefeelings

negativefeelings

14

WhenMrs.MeredithheardofJohn’sidea，shethoughtitwasagoodone，too.

Delightedandexcited，theytookactionstofindthebigboxofcorn.Withthebigboxandthreechildren，Mrs.MeredithdrovetoBernardfamily.NosoonerhadtheyseenBernardthanJohncouldn'twaittosaytheidea.Tearsrollingdownhisface.Bernardfailedtoutteranywordstoconveyhisheartfeltthanks.Thentheymadeevery

endeavor

tomakepopcornwiththejointefforts.Therewasenoughpopcorntosell.What’smore，Mrs.Meredithpreparedbagstocarrypopcorn.

Witheverythingready，Bernardstartedoutonhisnewbusiness.

Bernardtookitaroundtothehousesandexpectedtosellmorepopcorntoearnmoremoney.Tiredashewas，Bernardwasexceedinglydelightedtoearnsomemoneyandhelphismother.Mrs.MeredithalsoboughtpopcorntosupportBernard.

Asenseofachievementcominginwaves.threechildrentookdelightinhelpingothersmeetthechallenges.WealwayshaveopportunitiestobecomeablessingforothersandweshoulddoourbesttohelpeachotherjustliketheMeredithfamily.Version1*關鍵點銜接*語法結構和詞匯的豐富性：1.形容詞做狀語2.獨立主格3.不定式作定語4.as在虛擬語氣中的倒裝WhenMrs.MeredithheardofJohn’sidea，shethoughtitwasagoodone，too.

Thenextday,theystartedtomakepopcornwiththebigboxofcornUncleJohnsentthem.Theyputthedeliciouspopcornintopaperbags,whichwereornamentedwithcolorfulribbons.Then,theypaidavisittoBernard’shomewiththeirspecialgifts.JohnsgreatideadelightedBernardbeyondmeasure,forhenowcouldearnsomemoneyonhisowntosupporthisfamily.Hecouldn'thelpsheddingtearsofexcitementandgavetheMeredithfamilyabigembrace,expressinghisheartfeltgratitude.Witheverythingready，Bernardstartedoutonhisnewbusiness.Hewaved.peddled,tookthepopcornaroundthehousesandsoldit.Betterstill,thesmartJohnputforwardanexcellentideathattheyshouldsetupastand,whichcouldattractmorecustomers.Thoughmanyofthepeoplelivinginthecommunitywereimpoverished,theystillboughtsomepopcorntohelpBernard.ItwasBernard’spureloveforhisparentsandotherpeople'skindnessthatassistedBernard’sfamilyactually.Itisinevitabletoencounterhardship,butloveiswhatsupportslifeforever.Version2：

*關鍵點銜接*語法結構和詞匯的豐富性1.非限制性定語從句2.原因狀語從句3.現在分詞做伴隨狀語4.同位語從句5讓步狀語從句6現在分詞作定語7強調句8表語從句基于“評分原則”之外的美好1IIIIIIV高級句型（非謂語，三大從句，強調，倒裝等）和高級詞匯是博人眼球的高光點；續寫結尾有升華主題的句子為好，該句子不一定是名言警句；續寫部分與原文寫作風格一致，句式相同的語料。比如本文故事是按照時間順序來發展的。所以續寫部分有時間狀語從句或表明時間的狀語最好。回扣文中線索的是加分項。原文最后一句“Bernardcantakeita